Anti-Homeschooling Sentiments & Other Issues

Handling anti-homeschooling family and friends

My husband doesn't want us to homeschool

How to handle people who quiz your children

My child is shy. Would public school be best?

Grandma brags about other children, but not yours

[Back to Main FAQ page]

My extended family (or friends) are against homeschooling. They keep trying to talk me out of it and it's causing arguments every time we're together. What should I do?

Put the "burden of proof" on your family and friends and don't participate in any more arguments or debates about homeschooling. Explain that you have an unfair advantage over them because you've done your research and they haven't. Put the ball in their court by telling them you would be happy to debate the merits of homeschooling with them once they finish researching the subject as much as you have. Provide them with a list of homeschooling books, magazines, websites, articles, research, and anything else you can find on the subject. Make sure you've read the resources on the list so you can actually discuss them with anyone who accepts your offer. My guess is that no one will take you up on it.

At this point, it's very important that you follow through by not letting yourself be drawn into discussing or debating homeschooling with any of them until they've read at least some of the references on your list. Be kind, but firm, and say something like: "I understand your concerns and know that you just want the best for little Johnny because you love him. I love him, too, and that's why I decided to homeschool him, especially after reading all the research that supports homeschooling as a wonderful educational alternative. I'd be happy to discuss this further with you, though. Have you read any of the books, magazines, or other things I suggested? No? Well, I'm excited at the thought of discussing this with you so let me know when you've finished reading them!" Then smile real big and change the subject.

My husband is uncertain about homeschooling. How can I convince him that it's right for our family?

Try to ease him into it slowly. Offer to give him books, articles, or websites to read so he can become more comfortable with the idea. If he's still against it, ask him to give it a "trial run" for one year (or one semester if he won't go for a full year). After that, you both can evaluate how things went and decide whether to keep on homeschooling the next year. Usually that's all it takes. Your husband will see the benefits of homeschooling and be more supportive.

If a trial run isn't quite enough to sway him, offer to test the children at the end of the year. If their scores are around the average range, then that should reassure him that they're achieving at an average level when compared with publicly schooled students. Test results can also be used as a way to reassure family and friends who are a little leery about homeschooling. (See our resources and links section for standardized test suppliers). Use the "testing" offer as a last resort, though. Testing can cause stress in both parents and children and really have nothing to do with learning.

When strangers find out we're homeschoolers, they try to quiz my children. And my parents and other relatives quiz the children to "see how much they're learning". It makes my children feel very uncomfortable. What can I do to stop this?

If people would stop to think about what they're doing, they would understand why this makes your children feel so uncomfortable. How would they feel if people repeatedly put them on the spot and demanded that they produce "proof" of their knowledge? They'd most likely ask us who we thought we were and then show us out the door. Children can't do that. They feel trapped into answering because they're taught to be polite to adults.

When this happens, step in and kindly explain that you don't normally allow people to quiz your children. However, if they'd allow your children to quiz them first, you might make an exception. I don't think many people would accept the challenge. Just in case, though, prepare questions beforehand that your children can ask.

You could also ask the offenders outright, "Would you try to quiz my children if they were publicly schooled?" That would hopefully make them stop to think about their motives.

After you intervene a few times, your children may feel comfortable coming up with their own strategies. Maybe something like, "Oh, are we playing a trivia game? Cool! Let us go first!" I've also heard of children answering a stranger's question with, "Why are you asking me? Don't you know the answer?" That seems a little rude, but may be called for if more polite methods don't seem to work.

My son is shy and gets upset every morning before school. Everyone tells me that making him go to school will eventually get him out of his shyness, but my instincts tell me that homeschooling would be better for him. What should I do?

Shyness is not overcome by forcing a child into an uncomfortable situation and surrounding him with 25 to 30 same-aged peers every day for 6 to 8 hours. Shyness is overcome by gradual interaction and acceptance of a few close friends and the steady introduction of new people and new situations when a child is ready. By slowly building your son's interactions with new people and situations, he will become more confident and better able to adapt to the new experiences he will face as he grows older.

My mom constantly raves about her other grandchildren's accomplishments and the great education they're getting in our local public schools. She also brags about other children she reads about in the papers -- the awards and medals they get, and how great their schools are. When I respond by trying to share what my children are doing as homeschoolers, she asks me why I'm getting so defensive. She never seems to care about the interesting things we're doing, and the children are starting to notice. What should I do?

Your mom sounds like a controlling person who disapproves of your homeschooling. She doesn't want to seem interfering and tell you to put the children in public school, so she's passively trying to get you to do what she wants but make it appear like it's all your idea. Now that you know her intentions, it's very easy to stop her - just don't play her game. When she brags about other children, say, "Really?! That's great!" and change the subject to something completely unrelated to homeschooling or education in general. She may try it again, but you need to be firm and respond with, "Wow! That's interesting!" and change the subject again. And so on, and so on. Just don't engage with her. If you are consistent and don't respond to her attempts to get you riled, she'll eventually stop trying, or she'll come right out and tell you she wants you to put them in school. Then you can finally discuss what is bothering her and resolve the real problem.

We hope this section of our FAQs has helped you to better understand how to homeschool in South Carolina. If you have any questions or concerns about the answers here, please email us and/or consult an attorney. Although we've tried to include the questions that new homeschoolers seem to ask the most, we're not attorneys or "experts" and can't give you legal advice.

[Back to Main FAQ page]

Disclaimer: Any legal information provided on this website is for informational purposes only and should not be considered complete, professional legal advice.