PS and separation anxiety-do I homeschool?

[mom2two]

My son is 7 years old and has always been a little clingy. I don't think though anymore than the typical boy is though to his mom. I quit my part time job to become a full time mom when I found out I was pregnant with him. I have a daughter who is nine also. While I loved being a full time mom I felt that I was going crazy at home with two little ones and having always worked full time and then part time after my daughter was born and then to not working I was going crazy I felt. So everyone around me encouraged me to somehow do something with photography since they thought my photography skills and images were so great and I did love photography which I didn't get into until my children were born. I called Greenville Tech and it just so happened that they had one spot left in the class and it started that night. I registered and the rest is history. I quickly developed into a business and have been in business for over 5 years now. While I do love it, it's been extremely hard trying to run a business and be a full time mom as well. I don't recommend it to anyone. I told myself that I was going to homeschool and checked out the Easley Home Educators meetings but I honestly did not see how I was going to work and home school at the same time. It seemed like it was very time consuming and I would be stuck at home all the time and to be honest, I didn't want that right then. I enjoyed the outlet that my business provided for me even though it was stressful.
So I began checking out our local public school our children would attend and heard nothing but great things about it which made me feel good and the decision easier to send my daughter to. And so it began, until my son started K-5.

He cried of course like most children do the first couple of days, may even have been the first week, can't remember but then he was fine and did well. First grade was a little worse, if I came to lunch he would cry and not want to let me go and I would try my best to reassure and love on him. I couldn't eat lunch with him often because he would cry and it made me very sad to see him that way.He just always stated that school took too long and he missed me. My heart broke.
Now here we are and it's a whole other ball game this year. He has developed major separation anxiety about going to school this year. He will scream "Mommy" and cling to me as if someone is trying to kidnap him and we just don't know why he has become this way so suddenly. We have tried everything and so far nothing has worked perfectly although my husband took him Friday and we had a classmate, a little girl he is friends with, meet him and walk with him and he didn't seem to do near as bad my husband said.
But my heart questions what I should do. I have prayed and asked God to please tell me what I should do. Should I home school him and if I do will that make the anxiety worse? Some people say that I would be "giving in" to him and then everytime he didn't want to do something he would act this way although I don't really believe that. I asked him if he wanted me to home school him since he stated that "school was borning and it took too long and he missed me" but he is afraid and unsure of the whole idea and questions if he will have any friends? I assure him that he would.
He only does this when entering school and he did it this morning when entering his new Sunday School class although it wasn't anything like what he does at school. I just wonder what is the right thing to do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. If I need to shut down my business and home school I will. I will do whatever it takes for my children. My daughter who is in the 4th grade says no way does she want to be home schooled? What do you do when your child DOESN'T want to be home schooled? lol

[jarsmom]

Some people work full time and homeschool. Homeschooling doesn't take as long as public school does, and at the same time, home learning happens all day long.

You could always try it for a while. If it doesn't work, try something else.

Public school was never a good fit for me emotionally. Inside, I always felt the way you describe your son.

[MamaSweetie2]

I second jarsmom's comment about public school and my experience. "Public school was never a good fit for me emotionally. Inside, I always felt the way you describe your son."

Before you worry about what other's think (ie: you are giving in to him), maybe there are some underlying causes to his fears. Is there a bully at school? Does the teacher pick on him, or single him out? Is there something at home he is worried about? (When my Mom started working part time, I remember being frightened that she wasn't at home) Have you discussed his anxiety with his teacher or guidance counselor? What do they say about it?

Maybe he just isn't emotionally ready for the separation. Everyone matures at a different pace. Perhaps through homeschooling you can give him the security of you being there and gradually allow him the opportunity to go off on his own with you nearby...like story time at the library, or other group activities. For example, at sunday school, could you go in with him and sit in the corner and observe and maybe after a couple times you can step out in the hall for a few minutes then come back in. After a while I bet you he will not even notice you leave.

If you are contemplating homeschooling, homeschooling a 1st and 4th grader would only be a few hours a day and you don't HAVE to homeschool during traditional school hours. If you had a photo shoot one morning, then you can do school in the afternoon or even on a Sat or Sunday if you needed to. That is the wonderful flexibility of homeschooling.

First though, talk with your son and see if you can get to the root of his fears. You don't want to just change his environment, but you need to also compassionately help him to deal with his feelings and fears.

Let us know how things go.

[Dianna]

Hi, and welcome to our community. :smile2:

Your son is obviously having trouble in the environment he's in, and regardless of what is causing it, it won't help to keep him in the same environment. If he's not being bullied, and there's no other external reason for his anxiety that can be "fixed", then homeschooling him will probably be the best thing for him right now. Once he feels safer, he may be able to tell you why he was having trouble and/or go back into the school environment.

Ignore the people who say you would be "giving in", yadda, yadda, yadda. Those are people who are repeating ignorant advice that they've heard themselves.

Let us know what you decide to do.

Warmly,
Dianna

[mom2two]

It's been a while since my last post so I wanted to update how everything is going.
Took him to the child psychologist, he was a very nice man and we liked him as a doctor, etc. He explained things very simply and we had a good connection with him. He talked with us by ourselves and then talked with Lance by himself. He stated that they crying and clinging and screaming bloody murder was just "theatrics" and made it sound like there is really no harm being done to him at that moment. And discussed how childrens' minds and nervous systems work, etc. Explained everything from how we react which can make it worse to how we need to be with him which is just in a matter of fact but loving way that this is what we are going to do today and move forward in a matter of fact but calm and assertive energy. He did say not to let anyone at the school be punitive with him and if we felt better about dropping him off hand in hand with the teacher vs the administrators then we should do that. We left there feeling like we just needed to try what he stated and give it a chance too.
So I explained to Lance that we were going back to normal routine of carpooling tomorrow am which he didn't like and that we were going to get up and go to school tomorrow with no tears, etc. I was loving but assertive with him although he didn't like any of what I had to say.

Fast forward over the past several weeks and things have been like a roller coaster. We had a few good days where he didn't cry really bad but then we have had mostly bad days where if he isn't crying really hard at home, he does in the car and all the way into the classroom. He's actually TELLING me now that he wants to be homeschooled after hearing me mention it to him and explain what it is. He wasn't sure at first, he kept asking if he would have any friends but now he doesn't care about anything except wanting to be homeschooled. It's like he has just cut himself off emotionally from his classroom. He tells people that he doesn't have many friends and I think he feels like this outsider who doesn't fit in.
I had a long talk with his teacher and she is just like me, really empathetic but just don't know what to do for him. She's trying everything she can to comfort him but she said some days are worse than others.

He gets up every morning and cries to some degree and does not want to go to school. Last week we had a really bad day where he was complaining of his stomach hurting again and he wanted me to come and pick him up and even begged for Nanny or someone to pick him up around 10:00. (Long enough for him to stay to be counted and not absent he figures) I'm just not sure that there is anything anyone (dr or not) can say at this point to convince him to like school or make him excited about it.

I have talked with quite a few women who are homeschooling but even if I DID want to attempt it, I don't have the money right now to buy the materials. I had not planned on it and therefore the ability money wise is not there right now.

Any suggestions?

[jarsmom]

I wasn't there, but I would have a hard time putting faith in the opinion of any doctor who merely spoke with my son once, then decided he was faking it. His suggestion, to call your child's bluff, has obviously backfired, but you have to want homeschooling to make it work.

As far as the money goes. We spent ~$20 for a math curriculum (singapore math on Ebay). Other than that, all we needed was the library. I did buy a Language book, but it was a waste of money. We cracked it open one time. The internet is loaded with free education too.

I learned the hard way that you can't spoil a child by being there for them emotionally. A crying infant that just wants to be held, should be held IMO. From your posts, it sounds like your son needs you to be on his side.

[MamaSweetie2]

I posted a response , but it didn't go through, so if I repeat myself I apologize.

My question is, are you sure he isn't being bullied or harassed at school. It sounds a lot more than just the "theatrics" that the Dr. claimed it to be. There is something more going on with the poor little guy. Like I said in a previous post, I used to HATE going to school and would have an upset stomach EVERYDAY!! I'd be at the nurse all the time and wanting to go home. Back then there was no other option. Homeschooling might be what he needs so he feels safe and secure. I agree with jarsmom's post about a crying baby needs to be held.

Now as far as homeschooling being expensive. You do not have to have a full blown curriculum like Abeka or Bob Jones to teach your child, especially for a 2nd grader. Here are some of my ideas and somethings that I have done.

Science: There are books on experiments you can get at the library that use household items. You can let him pick things that interest him, for example stars, planets, electricity, plants, animals, etc. There are always books on these things at the library.

Social Studies: same as above, let the library be your source of info. For example, if you decide to study a country, like China...you can get books about the culture, you can get a story book about the country, like The Story of Ping. You can color a map of China, findit on the globe, make a chinese lantern, eat chinese food with chopsticks. Find a book about a child that lives in that country. See how you can do it all so inexpensively. If you concentrated on a country a month you'd have a lot of fun with it.

Math: a good solid Math workbook is Modern Curriculum Press. Nothing fancy, just the good old basics. Around $17

Reading: Chapter books at his level from the Library. They usually have the I Can Read Series. You can then have him tell you what the story is about afterwards ...aka Reading Comprehension.

Handwriting: if you want to teach him cursive at this grade then a cursive workbook from Wal-mart would be good. If not, let him practice his handwriting by giving him a scripture or a verse from a poem to copy.

Spelling: Here is a list of 2nd grade spelling words you can use. http://www.time4learning.com/SpellingWords/2nd-grade-spelling-words.shtml

Language Arts: 2nd grade usually focuses more on reading skills, but here is a checklist for 2nd grade LA skills. http://homeschooling.about.com/cs/learning/qt/courselang2.htm

So you can do this real inexpensively..... I hope this helps you!! Let us know of your decision.

[MamaSweetie2]

Just another note to lessen the stress....you do not have to do science and social studies every day. Math and reading everyday.

In our public school they would do a unit of social studies and then a unit of science, never together, so you could alternate them every couple weeks or every other month.

[Dianna]

I have talked with quite a few women who are homeschooling but even if I DID want to attempt it, I don't have the money right now to buy the materials. I had not planned on it and therefore the ability money wise is not there right now.

Any suggestions?

It sounds like you still aren't sure you want to homeschool. I think you need to weigh what's best for your son and your family before you worry about the cost.

Once you decide to commit to homeschooling, the rest will fall into place. You'll have to spend money to register with an association (see http://www.carolinahomeschooler.com/associations.htm and choose one that best meets your needs and budget). Then you can use a free library card and good books and videos for the rest. There are books about every required subject in the library (reading, writing, math, science, and social studies). You'll have to research what's available at your library, and request non-available titles via Inter-library loan. You can also watch educational programming on PBS, the Learning Channel, Discovery Channel, etc, go the museum free, and more.

So if it's something that you really want to do, all it will cost is to register with an association and your time.

I hope this helps.

Dianna

[mom2two]

I wasn't there, but I would have a hard time putting faith in the opinion of any doctor who merely spoke with my son once, then decided he was faking it. His suggestion, to call your child's bluff, has obviously backfired, but you have to want homeschooling to make it work.

As far as the money goes. We spent ~$20 for a math curriculum (singapore math on Ebay). Other than that, all we needed was the library. I did buy a Language book, but it was a waste of money. We cracked it open one time. The internet is loaded with free education too.

I learned the hard way that you can't spoil a child by being there for them emotionally. A crying infant that just wants to be held, should be held IMO. From your posts, it sounds like your son needs you to be on his side.

Thank you for your response and the confusing thing is that I agree but yet I think I am still just to scared to make that FIRST move.
One thing I AM sure of is I know how I am and how I operate and for me, I would want, especially to start off with, a complete cirriculum where everything was pre-planned and layed out for me. Being nervous as I would be to begin with, I would desire something where I knew what I were doing each day at least until I got the hang of it and felt comfortable customizing it myself.

[mom2two]

I posted a response , but it didn't go through, so if I repeat myself I apologize.

My question is, are you sure he isn't being bullied or harassed at school. It sounds a lot more than just the "theatrics" that the Dr. claimed it to be. There is something more going on with the poor little guy. Like I said in a previous post, I used to HATE going to school and would have an upset stomach EVERYDAY!! I'd be at the nurse all the time and wanting to go home. Back then there was no other option. Homeschooling might be what he needs so he feels safe and secure. I agree with jarsmom's post about a crying baby needs to be held.

Now as far as homeschooling being expensive. You do not have to have a full blown curriculum like Abeka or Bob Jones to teach your child, especially for a 2nd grader. Here are some of my ideas and somethings that I have done.

Science: There are books on experiments you can get at the library that use household items. You can let him pick things that interest him, for example stars, planets, electricity, plants, animals, etc. There are always books on these things at the library.

Social Studies: same as above, let the library be your source of info. For example, if you decide to study a country, like China...you can get books about the culture, you can get a story book about the country, like The Story of Ping. You can color a map of China, findit on the globe, make a chinese lantern, eat chinese food with chopsticks. Find a book about a child that lives in that country. See how you can do it all so inexpensively. If you concentrated on a country a month you'd have a lot of fun with it.

Math: a good solid Math workbook is Modern Curriculum Press. Nothing fancy, just the good old basics. Around $17

Reading: Chapter books at his level from the Library. They usually have the I Can Read Series. You can then have him tell you what the story is about afterwards ...aka Reading Comprehension.

Handwriting: if you want to teach him cursive at this grade then a cursive workbook from Wal-mart would be good. If not, let him practice his handwriting by giving him a scripture or a verse from a poem to copy.

Spelling: Here is a list of 2nd grade spelling words you can use. http://www.time4learning.com/SpellingWords/2nd-grade-spelling-words.shtml

Language Arts: 2nd grade usually focuses more on reading skills, but here is a checklist for 2nd grade LA skills. http://homeschooling.about.com/cs/learning/qt/courselang2.htm

So you can do this real inexpensively..... I hope this helps you!! Let us know of your decision.

On the harrassing or bullying issue, has re-assured us a million times as he says, that no one is bothering him at school. I honestly believe that is not the case too because he has no problem telling on other kids to us-LOL
He always informs us of who got a card pulled or if someone did something bad in class so I truly believe he would tell us if someone was bothering him and we've asked but he repeatedly says no.

THANK YOU for the websites, they are wonderful.

[mom2two]

It sounds like you still aren't sure you want to homeschool. I think you need to weigh what's best for your son and your family before you worry about the cost.

.

Once you decide to commit to homeschooling, the rest will fall into place. You'll have to spend money to register with an association (see http://www.carolinahomeschooler.com/associations.htm and choose one that best meets your needs and budget). Then you can use a free library card and good books and videos for the rest. There are books about every required subject in the library (reading, writing, math, science, and social studies). You'll have to research what's available at your library, and request non-available titles via Inter-library loan. You can also watch educational programming on PBS, the Learning Channel, Discovery Channel, etc, go the museum free, and more.

So if it's something that you really want to do, all it will cost is to register with an association and your time.

I hope this helps.

Dianna

Thank you for all of the advice, again I'm just so nervous about the actual first move to start.

[mom2two]

An update:

I ran into his teacher one day in Wal-Mart and spoke with her for 45 minutes on all that has been going on from start to finish again and everything new also. I plain out told her that I did not care for the new counselor (of course she had to be diplomatic and not give her opinion), she is not one to gossip either though. I explained how we have continued to try everything but he still begs to be homeschooled. This was the first time I had mentioned this to anyone school employee related and she laughed but was shocked at the same time. She said that she would really miss him if he were to leave the class, he was so sweet and one of her better students all around.
She told me that she has tried everything in her arsenal too to help him, she gives him a treat on the days when he does good and made a suggestion. She suggested that I purchase some treats that are his absolute favorite and if he came in w/o crying, she would give him a treat first thing in the morning. And she didn't mind that the other kids would see it, she would just tell them why. Of course I was willing to try anything so I purchase two of his favorite treats and gave them to her.

I told him when I got home about the plan and so far it's been much better. Every day is not perfect but it's much improved. He still wants to be homeschooled though. The past two nights he has had high anxiety at bedtime and he will get "sad" but hasn't been crying in the mornings.

He's a funny update too. A week or so ago, I received a letter in the mail from the school district superintendent that I had been recommended by the prinicipal to serve on a school district community advisory board. She started it last year as one of my friends was on it. So tonight was our first meeting. It just re-affirmed to me how "instituionalized" the public school system was and how the teachers do not have any time to help the children like they need it not only due to class sizes but just due to all of the other paperwork and red tape they have to deal with. It really made me want to homeschool that much more. Knowing that you are trusting your child's education to the government and to this "institution" whose main objective as I see it is not to only educcate but to also profit. Just like everything else,.....it's all about the money. And Pickens county is NOT a wealthy county if anyone here lives in Pickens and knows.

So again, what I will decide to do, I honestly just don't know. There are days when I think to myself that God will have to pull me kicking and screaming-LOL Then there are days when I gung ho about it. I'm so up and down emotionally with the days depending on what is going on with work and my life in general.

Is there anyone here that lives in Easley? Just curious.

[mom2two]

Interesting find....here are the academic requirements of second graders according to the district website. Do all of you follow something similar to this? http://pickens.schoolfusion.us/modules/groups/homepagefiles/cms/142567/File/Instructional_Technology/Curriculum%20Overviews%20Parents/SDPC_parent_Second_Grade.pdf?sessionid=a60e7833e9f 0346b776e2e3b23200684


I know that I could teach any of this content, I do worry though if my teaching style will be effective though. Will I be able to teach him so that he wlll understand it easily? Has anyone had these same doubts and what did you do and what was the outcome?

[elizawill]

hugs to you. you have my sympathy and support. as a child, i had incredible anxiety over school and would have been the perfect candidate for homeschooling. as for materials, there are SO many excellent free curriculums (i mean truly excellent things out there for free!!). please pm me with your email address and i'll send you lots of wonderful links if you're interested. you could also utilize a public virtual school through k12.com or connectionsacademy.com. this is not ideal for most of us that homeschoool, but it is an option worth mentioning still. i hope whatever you decide, you find balance and peace for your family. :smile2:

[Dianna]

Interesting find....here are the academic requirements of second graders according to the district website. Do all of you follow something similar to this? http://pickens.schoolfusion.us/modules/groups/homepagefiles/cms/142567/File/Instructional_Technology/Curriculum%20Overviews%20Parents/SDPC_parent_Second_Grade.pdf?sessionid=a60e7833e9f 0346b776e2e3b23200684


Hi, I'm trying to get caught up with posts (I'm finally getting caught up after my trips and Thanksgiving holidays).

I don't follow anyone else's timeline. Instead, we focus on learning the basic skills such as reading, writing, and math according to their ability level, and then dip into science and social studies topics that are interesting to them. Once we get to high school, it's a little different because we have to document for scholarship purposes. Until then, however, well follow a child-led learning approach as much as possible. We also use materials other than texts/workbooks as much as possible (field trips, travel, documentaries, museums, good books, interesting conversations, etc.).

Let me know if you need more clarification of our homeschooling style.

Warmly,
Dianna

[bbcb73]

My daughter had very similar days with public school. And we looked into homeschool. I read books about it and we talked about it. But we were just scared to actually do it. It was like uncharted territory. And we hung in limbo for years... Then we had issues at school that forced us to take her out. We fianally done it because we felt we had no other choice. We felt backed into a corner. Now after we've been homeschooling a while, we wish we had done it a lot sooner. It would have saved us much stress and emotional anxiety. Some children do ok in public school. Some just do not. Sounds like you have one of each. Ultimately you have to do what's best for your child and family. Don't let money or being apprehensive affect your decision.
If homeschooling is best for your son, you can find ways to do it that are affordable and fit into your budget. Sonlight even lets you make payments on your books. So options are there.
I know it feels overwhelming because you have to learn how to keep records and grades and do lesson plans... but you can learn all that. There will be lots of things you have to learn as you go. But you can do it.

Carole

[mom2two]

Just an update.

We have been making it through looking forward to the end of the year. All in all it's been pretty good with a few minor setbacks here and there. Everyone has been sick the past week which required him to be home and it was hard going back after being home for four days. We are literally teetering on the edge of the 10 day limit even with doctor's notes though, I'm SO looking forward to not having to worry about that so much anymore when we home school.
When we do home school, how do you handle sickness that may stretch out for a few days or a week or so? Do you try if they can to do any lessons while they're sick or do you just play catch up when they get well?
Academically he is doing okay. There are many areas that he struggles with and is frustrated because he doesn't understand and repeatedly tells me that they don't have time to go over it. So I can wait to take control and really dig into all of the things that he is struggling with.

I plan on going to the state home school convention in Columbia in June because again, I want to actually see and touch all of the curriculum's that are being offered because I still have no idea what to choose.

[elizawill]

Just an update.

When we do home school, how do you handle sickness that may stretch out for a few days or a week or so? Do you try if they can to do any lessons while they're sick or do you just play catch up when they get well?


if my kids are actually sick, then we just don't do school. but if they just have a cold or something, then i'll play it by ear. we can still usually do "school" if they're just a little under the weather. we'll just cuddle & read together, watch educational videos, play educational games, have conversations, etc. heck, even a quiz can be given orally while your child is resting on the sofa. my dd enjoys completing workbooks laying on the couch & she likes to read to herself in bed at night. homeschooling is really so different than public school. if your little guy is at home and has a cold, he can take a lot of breaks, stay in his pajamas, sip on soup while you two read together, play on the computer wrapped in a blanket, etc. anyway, i think you'll find homescooling is very flexible and easy to adapt to your child's health. :smile2:

[Dianna]

When we do home school, how do you handle sickness that may stretch out for a few days or a week or so? Do you try if they can to do any lessons while they're sick or do you just play catch up when they get well?


You must document 180 days, so if they don't feel up to learning anything new for a day (or week, or whatever), you can wait until they feel better. Remember, as homeschoolers, children can learn on Saturdays, Sundays, nights, summers, during vacations, etc. Your calendar doesn't have to be like a public school calendar.

Warmly,
Dianna

[mom2two]

When you say "document" what exactly do you mean? Do you have an attendance card like they use in public schools or something different? I've always wondered this.

Is anyone going to the state convention in June? Are there any other conventions like this coming up? I would love to meet someone and get some advice.

[Dianna]

When you say "document" what exactly do you mean? Do you have an attendance card like they use in public schools or something different? I've always wondered this.

Some people keep a separate attendance record, but I just add a note to the top of my annual report stating how many days my children "attended school" that semester. Also, I document my children's work on a student desk calendar (the calendars with the big squares - I got my at Staples - one calendar per child). So when I write in what each child did on the day they did it, that's an automatic record of attendance, too. I hope this makes sense.

Is anyone going to the state convention in June? Are there any other conventions like this coming up? I would love to meet someone and get some advice.

There is a list of conventions, workshops, etc., at http://www.carolinahomeschooler.com/events3.htm

Warmly,
Dianna